Do you ever think about the things you wish you could have done with your life and get so sad, you feel like you're at the bottom of a pit you'll never get out of?
I'm having one of those moments. I wish so badly that I could have spent my "career years" digging up dinosaurs or ancient civilizations. And I know, people will give me the same ol' "You can do it if you really try!" and "Costs be damned; just go for it!" sappy, happy, feel-good stuff, but...it's just not attainable at my "station" in life. All those optimistic, uplifting ideas...they don't always apply to real life.
I'd have to go to college and take out student loans. Thousands, probably tens of thousands of dollars in student loans. I can't even consistently pay the $100 a month on the tiny little $2,000 student loan I took out for nail school. And even if I DID choose to bite the bullet and take out another student loan, that's a huge gamble. If I got the degree and then couldn't find work in that field, I'd still have to pay the loan back. And if I did actually find work, it could literally be anywhere on the planet. If the only job being offered was in Mongolia, I'd have to live in Mongolia until the excavation was complete.
That's fine and good for some, but I've got a family. I've got a 9 year old daughter who needs Mom to be there when she gets out of school every day. I've got a husband who, I can say without hyperbole, might up and freakin' die without me here to take care of him. My other option would be to bring them with me, but Billy wouldn't wanna quit his job to come with. And I couldn't expect him to. Faye would be okay, I'm sure, but then I'd be separating her from her dad for months or years at a time.
*siiiigh* I'm just having a big baby tit-fit for a moment here. So many paths my life could have taken. I don't at all wish that I hadn't married and had my kid, but I just wish I could have it all.
I'm gonna go watch a show about dinosaurs now.
I'd have to go to college and take out student loans. Thousands, probably tens of thousands of dollars in student loans. I can't even consistently pay the $100 a month on the tiny little $2,000 student loan I took out for nail school. And even if I DID choose to bite the bullet and take out another student loan, that's a huge gamble. If I got the degree and then couldn't find work in that field, I'd still have to pay the loan back. And if I did actually find work, it could literally be anywhere on the planet. If the only job being offered was in Mongolia, I'd have to live in Mongolia until the excavation was complete.
That's fine and good for some, but I've got a family. I've got a 9 year old daughter who needs Mom to be there when she gets out of school every day. I've got a husband who, I can say without hyperbole, might up and freakin' die without me here to take care of him. My other option would be to bring them with me, but Billy wouldn't wanna quit his job to come with. And I couldn't expect him to. Faye would be okay, I'm sure, but then I'd be separating her from her dad for months or years at a time.
*siiiigh* I'm just having a big baby tit-fit for a moment here. So many paths my life could have taken. I don't at all wish that I hadn't married and had my kid, but I just wish I could have it all.
I'm gonna go watch a show about dinosaurs now.